Overcoming Your Food Addiction & Connecting with Others Like Yourself
Food is nourishment but when you feel those heavy emotions, anger, sadness, fear it is easy to reach for food to feel that instant connection. This is emotional eating & can lead to binge eating & food addiction.
I was born sunny side up. Two weeks before I was born and they realized that my umbilical cord was strangling me and when I came out I was looking upwards, stargazing is the other word for it. I was massively underweight and I went on an immediate kind of stuffing and feeding program. I don't know if that's got anything to do with the way that I've eaten in my life but I know I have put on weight very fast at times.
Within a year I'd gone from, what they said looked like a scrawny monkey, to senor chunky. I was massive. There's an old TV series called Kojak with Telly Savalas as the main character. They call me Kojak because I was short, I was bald, I was overweight. It wasn't a great way to start but that's the way I started. Maybe that's got something to do with all my #food #addiction or not. Maybe it's the rest of it, but it's the #emotions that drive it because I also picked up feelings of shame and guilt and that feeling of being wrong. I think anyone, if you know those feelings and you most likely know that idea of reaching for food to get rid of it because food is nourishment.
Food is our way of helping us grow. It's effectively love. It gives a connection but what happens certainly for me is that when I'm lacking in connection, I reach for things external to me. That is emotional eating. I've done it for a long time. I did it with alcohol and drugs, they were the obvious ones and I also did it with food. I put on 55 kilos, that's 110lbs, in six months when I gave up alcohol because suddenly I couldn't have that immediate connection and I need something else. I reached for chocolate Mousse and blackberry and apple crumble with custard. I never used to binge on carrots.
I always wanted a sugar hit. I was addicted and I used that instead of nourishing myself. I abused myself to get instant connection and for me, that was my way of trying to find happiness. So all of it was my way of trying to find happiness. I thought if I can do this or that, whatever it was in each moment, because I felt those low vibration emotions that were so painful, I would do what I thought would give me happiness. Some were really short term and some longer term. A lot of them didn't work out so well. And learning to nourish is really difficult, especially if we've already learned an addictive way of getting rid of those feelings.
Even now, I have a lot of recovery around my food, I have a lot of awareness. I know that when I am feeling a certain way and I'm thinking chocolate mousse will solve this, but actually chocolate mousse will solve it for about five minutes and then I'll need another chocolate mousse. Or I'll need, whatever it is, because what I'm actually looking for is that connection, that connection to my heart not my stomach. I find that it's starting to find that nourishment is in connecting with others who feel the same way. It's those members of my tribe who've had similar experiences. Maybe the scapegoats, maybe they're addicts. It's in connecting with them and saying, you know, I feel really low. I just don't know what to do. I feel hopeless. Hopeless is like being in purgatory. It's sitting in pain. Anything will do, give it to me and way back in the day if it was gonna change my mood, I would do it without even asking what it was.
It was searching for a way out of that pain. And I know I've met so many people who do the same thing. For me it comes down to self beliefs. Actually, it's the beliefs I carry. Many of them are not mine. I was given them. When I was at school, I hated it, I absolutely detested it. It was all competition. Schools for me should be fertile grounds for individuals to find themselves. Instead I wasn't Sporty and I wasn't academic.
I didn't really read any books either. I didn't read literature books because they didn't think I was smart enough. They thought, wow, this guy, you know what, he's not capable. I learned slowly that I was incapable. Actually I recognized pretty fast that I was incapable of learning. That didn't work out so well because when I discovered other things that would change my mood, smoking and whatever else it was it led on to other stuff. I still had this core belief that's not mine. Turns out I read really well. I read really fast and I just absorb information really quickly they were wrong.
I was just really uninspired and I was really unhappy. I was looking for something that they were unwilling to give me and at this point it's not not longer about them. It's about finding that connection and I find that connection so often with people.