Of Course You're Angry: How to Recover From the Scapegoat Role
If you look up scapegoat, it says one who is burdened with the sins of others and then tossed out. Historically, the scapegoat would have been in the Jewish tribes. In the desert they thought, well, let's get rid of all of our stuff, all of our sins and put it on the scapegoat. They throw out the goat, goat dies and they're all clean.
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If you know how that feels, if you're a scapegoat, if you're an empath, if you're a lightworker, then you know that that's some heavy emotional vibes.
If you were in a situation where fingers are being pointed to you just because it's easier than actually people owning up to their own stuff. If people are pushing their own darkness onto you, blaming you, and because maybe you've got an easy energy, maybe it's because I've got an easy energy. Maybe it's because we have an energy that people somehow grab for themselves.
It's easy to blame us. For me, I know how that feels. You know how it feels. It feels as if you're covered in excrement. Probably not goat excrement, let's say it's everybody else's excrement. It's everybody else's darkness. Everybody else places their sins on you. Interestingly enough, in Jewish mythology the word scapegoat is synonymous with the devil. Which is how it feels whenever they point toward us and say, you're wrong, you're shameful, you'll never be able to do it. I know how that feels and it's understandable that that brings up anger because it's a denial of reality. I know I'd been processing anger around that for some years now and still doing it.
When you feel the anger, when they press your buttons, if you react, then they get to say, "told you obviously you're crazy. You're psychotic, you're a nutcase. You're a... whatever it is, weird or freak. It helps them with their argument that you're the broken one. Well, for me, emotional alchemy is about when you see the trigger, it's not about the fact that you don't get angry because it's understandable that if someone does something to you, then you get angry about it. Someone punches you in the face after the initial shock you would probably be angry about it. If someone throws you an insult, if someone tells a lie about you then it's understandable you are going to be angry about that.
But for me here's the difference. There's always two things. Either you'll exploded or you internalize, both are equally destructive. Internalizing is a swallowing all of that excrement, and it builds up. Certainly making these videos, one of my reasons for it is because it is to unblock my throat chakra. It's this amazing word Abracadabra. We're use to it being a silly magic word. Well what it really means is in ancient Aramaic, which is one of the oldest world world's oldest languages. It means "I create as I speak", which means if I say "I am worthy, I am lovable, I am joyous" then I'm likely to feel more of those things. If I say "I am useless" "I am... Whatever" those vibrations come to me, I create as I speak. If I don't speak but instead I swallowing other people's darkness without saying anything, then that blocks my thyroid, my throat chakra.
I'm currently recovering from Hypothyroidism, under-active thyroid. What suppressed has to come out. That's usually where the explosion comes. If you've been in a situation and maybe it's not that bad, someone just one day says something to you and you explode. It probably wasn't actually that situation. It was a thousand times they've done it before.
Emotional alchemy is admitting that something is not alright. Secondly it's to say I'm angry. Third, admitting that part of me wants to stay like this is a kind of entitlement, a kind of victimhood. But then ultimately there's part of me that doesn't want that, it wants to stand out and say "it's not alright you do that, you can say it, but it's not true."
For me, empowerment is about being able to hold my ground, to be able to listen to stuff and feel the anger, feel the grief, feel the sadness, the fear, the whatever it is, know that there's something going on internally and just hold it, sit with it. This is a process and it doesn't come overnight. It's easier to hold back if you;re on email or text. When you're in person it's harder to stop that ego flicking on. But if you can just hold back that's where the empowerment is.
If I react to someone then I give them my power. I don't want to do that. It's understandable and I've done it a lot. I want hold my ground, not react, maybe just hold fast. Then decide what I want to do, checking in with some other people who aren't emotionally involved in the situation. My friends, those people who support me can say "it sounds like you're really being triggered with this. It sounds like maybe..." and then they suggest something I haven't even considered. From doing this then I get insight into the real reason why am I angry.