How to Stop Giving Yourself Away as an Empath or Scapegoat
For Empaths and ScapeGoats it's normal to give our energy to others while we struggle. Learning calmly to say no during gaslighting or narcissistic abuse is possible. That's what this video is about. If you know what it's like to be a black sheep this video is for you.
For those of us who have a more empathic nature, we all empaths, we tend to want to help others feel better. It's so difficult sometimes to take care of ourselves when actually we think we need to help other people at the expense of ourselves. I give myself away because I'm trying to keep the peace or I perceive that other person needs what I need more than I need it.
When that happens I am taking away from myself. I'm giving of my energy and my life force is depleting. The hardest thing for me is to show up in various situations and say, "actually, I need this", because I am imagining that I'm going to be abandoned. This is what the scapegoat role is, I'm imagining that somehow all those sins of everyone else are going to be placed on me and I'm going to be kicked out into the desert, as would happen thousands of years ago, and the the scapegoat would wander off and die.
That's what it feels like. My experience has been that my growth is in facing that fear and saying "you know what? I need this. I need this. I need this" or whatever it is. Or it's in saying "you can't do this. You can't do that." That's showing up for myself. Now, if you're an empath, you may be able to understand that. It's easier to give away what we need than actually vocalizing what we need.
For me, recovery from that scapegoat role is in learning to use my throat, my throat chakra, my voice that so often been blocked and say "it's not okay you do that and actually this is what I need and this is what I'm entitled to." When I can do that, then that's showing up for myself and I have to do this in association with shadow work, with looking at where I have unprocessed emotions, especially anger. For those of us who have swallowed our anger for so long, given away or have been taken advantage of it never works out so well.
That anger is understandable for those of us who had stuff happen to us early on and we then built a life on somehow giving ourselves away. I was working with someone this morning and she said, it just feels vomitus when she just shows up for herself and says to the woman who has been taken advantage of her "you can't do that and I'm not going to let you do that." It feels awful. But then she said, the second time she did it, it felt easier and it's boundary setting. If I don't set boundaries, then people will take advantage of that. It's so much easier just to work out what I need and when someone crosses that line I know that my boundaries have been crossed.
After that I can work out what to do. At the same time doing the shadow work to understand that anger is a reasonable emotional response but that I don't want it to rule my life. There's a little boy, a six year old Mark who's sitting on the classroom floor. He doesn't understand various things. He doesn't understand why they've done this or that to him or whatever. I sit with that because I don't want him driving the bus. He's terrified. He's not a good bus driver. I can drive the bus because I am the age I am and I can ensure that he has the space in order to be able to heal.
For me this is the masculine holding space for the feminine to nurture and a feminine energy. That's the Feminine Energy within me, it's the nurturing and caring part of me that helps to heal my inner child from those experiences that I've found painful and have not fully processed and have maybe disassociated from. For me, this is the recovery of a scapegoat. It's scapegoat recovery to find that a joyful life is possible as long as I step up the fear I feel and start by just admitting it. The first bit is just in saying I'm scared about what comes next.
This is my path and now I get to help others with it. This is #EmotionalAlchemy for the #ScapegoatRole #ScapegoatEmpowerment