3 Ways to Overcome The ScapeGoat Role and Find Healing from Emotional Abuse
As an empath there are steps to getting over the Scapegoat Role. If your the black sheep of the family and or the know your the family scapegoat then this video is for you.
The first step for me is the most painful. It's an understanding, that awareness in this scapegoat role. It's knowing that I'm carrying the baggage of someone else.
I know for me, and so many of us, we want everyone to be happy. Somehow we buy into this idea that I have to kind of take care of this person, take care of this person, and somewhere in all of that I lose my voice. We lose our voices, that real, true self-expression of who we are. This muting starts way back, certainly for me, in childhood, when I found it easier to stop expressing certain needs, preferences, and those real bits of me, which is easier because you don't become a target.
It's so hard to be an individual. The first step is understanding awareness of being in that role, and it comes through pain. It's “Why do I feel so uncomfortable?” “Why do I fear this?” “Why is this person going at me?” or any of the rest of it. There's so many examples. I can't think of one. It's that un-comfortableness. It's all of those low vibration fears. It's fear, blame, shame, anger, guilt. It's sitting in that and realizing that I'm in the middle of it. There's other people pouring their stuff onto me, making me carry their baggage. I'm choosing to carry their baggage.
The second stage is understanding that I can do something about this, but I can't do it with the way I've been doing it. There's all these ideas that if I change, somehow it'll get better, or that's not going to work. Einstein said you can't solve a problem with the same level of consciousness that created it. If I am in a situation which is basically created by my own fear, if I haven't expressed who I am or if I've muted myself, there's a fear behind that. The answer is understanding what fear is, but I have to step away from that fear. I find that's best done by speaking to someone else – people I trust, people who have been through the same thing – and they say to me, “You know what? It sounds like...” whatever it is. If I have fear about telling a boss, “You know what? I don't want to do that; it's not in my job description.” Why do I have fear about that? It's because on some level, I think that I'm going to be in trouble. I feel I am going to be told off for being me. I feel by asking for someone else's help they may tell me off; but it's not true, and it's not real.
The third stage is understanding how I can do something about it. I don't have a boss; I work for myself. I can then say to whoever it is – as the scapegoat, it would be to say to the bully, or the aggressor, or the narcissist, or that person who is looking to mute me – “You know what? That's not all right. It's not okay you do that.” There's still fear about doing that. I don't even need to get rid of the fear because so often fear is dispersed by actually doing the action. Courage is not the absence of fear, it's the presence of fear and the taking of action anyway. That's tough stuff.
That's why it's essential that I have other people to help me and why I'm aware all this time holding that emotional awareness about low vibration emotions. By doing it, by working it through and understanding where I've done it in the past, that's where the empowerment comes from and certainly, a spiritual awakening. The fear, the blame, the shame, anger, all the rest of it shows me the path. It shows me what actions I need to take, where I'm out of alignment with my true self, my personal individual self-expression.
It's so easy for so many of us to feel ashamed of that kind of personal self-expression. Why? Because we've been told it's not okay, because we've been shown that we will be targeted and shamed and told off and the rest of it. The great thing is, little by little, this stuff doesn't need to change over night. You are the master or mistress of your own life. You are the answer you are looking for. I'm the answer I'm looking for. Wow, that's some scary stuff! But the great news is I don't have to do it alone. There's hundreds of millions of scapegoats, black sheep, maybe there's tens of millions. There's enough of us – the weird ones, the odd ones, the misfits. We're the fun ones, the black sheep.
The more of us that do this work, the more comfortabler – that's not a word; it's a new individual Mark word – the more comfortabler we'll all feel. I'm relatively comfortable now, even with that word, but I'm going to end this blog post. If you've read to the end, thank you for reading; I can imagine lots of people haven't, and that's okay. My message is not for them. You don't have to be perfect. In fact, the idea that you have to be perfect is somebody else holding you in a dynamic. Me too. That's why this is imperfect and it’s going out.